


idea

by Bpadelman



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 09:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/878500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bpadelman/pseuds/Bpadelman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i've had this idea in my head for the longest time. it's a story of an alcoholic barrista and a guy that works in a suit shop (like mens warehouse). the story follows their lives (kind of) and their journeys/trails/tribulations and shit that they go through.<br/>i can picture this story in my head, and it's heartbreaking and so agonizingly sad that sometimes i wonder about my self. but it's also so fucking beautiful (to me) that i can't fathom where i got the idea. To add to the bizarre - it's a love story.</p><p> <br/>**names are subject to change**</p><p>*reminder that this is not a complete story, this is just an outline, an idea, words that have been lost in my head that i need to get out.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	idea

**Author's Note:**

> if you read this (it doesn't even have to be all of it) - would you mind giving me some feed back on what you think? I suck at writing so please for the love of Odins beard be harsh and say what you really think. 
> 
> Thanks for putting up with me and all of my shit
> 
> ps - this is a rough draft, it's the first time i've ever written it down and there will probably be more but PLEASE give me feedback - no matter what you think.

i don't know why, but for the life of me, i can not forget that stupid house. 'Let it go home' you said, over and over after everything that happened. Afer everything that hurt, everything - you always said 'let it go home'. i never have understood what you meant, but i think i do now. Sorry that it's late, i never could do anything on time. But i do think that i really understand it now.  
You meant to forget. 

 

 

It starts with the James coming home from work or AA or something to his shabby apartment find that his girlfriend has left him - for his best friend. So he leaves, he quits his dead end-god awful- cubicle hell job, and moves. The James takes what he likes, the stuff that's really important to him and leaves. He leaves his fake, shallow friends at the job that he's been working at since he was young and trying to make sure his little brother got to go to college - even if his little brother didn't know that it was him. He leaves the apartment building that smells like cat piss and that has crackheads in it. He leaves the city that has tormented him his whole life. And he goes somewhere that he can breathe. A tiny east coast (or west coast, i don't know, it's on the water or at least near it) town that's gorgeous. It's small enough that everyone has a vague idea of who everyone is, and that it's simple to navigate through, but not so small that it's creepy.  
So he leaves, and finds another crappy studio apartment. He changes his number, deletes his facebook, all that stuff. He gets rid of his past or tries to forget it. He lets his real self come out - the person that he's had to try and shove through cookie cutter shapes in order to live the life he had. He allows himself to be comfortable.  
He gets a job at a local coffee shop/cafe place thing. They sell coffee (roasted right there in the shop), hand made pastries, fresh handmade pizza, all that good stuff. He gets a tattoo and when he runs out of his contacts, he wears his glasses (it had been a sort of taboo to wear glasses in his previous life). He lets himself be. As modern society would say - 'he gives no fucks'.  
He befriends his coworkers, goes out drinking with them, parties with them, he finds that these people are the first real friends he's ever had. He gets a second job as a bartender.  
Then he meets Danny. His (James) arch nemesis. They hate each other. Loathe each other, literally can not stand each other. But they are friends of friends (like they met each other through friends) so they put on a show for everyone else. Until they can't hold it anymore, and something snaps between them and they get in a fight, a screaming match that turns violent (James says 'fuck it' and they punch each other). Luckily it's when it's just by themselves. Don't know why, but they're alone when they fight. Later though, when the James is bartending, Danny walks in. And of course they're both still bruised from their fight earlier/the day before. Danny has no idea that the James works at the bar, so naturally Danny's shocked/confused/alarmed and shouts 'what the fuck are you doing here?'. Leading to another aggravated conversation. And an after hours drinking competition. In which neither wins, because they get too hammered to figure anything out and eventually pass out at the Jamess shitty apartment.  
The next morning, the James has to work - so he leaves a note to Danny saying something like 'i won. i have to go to work. there's food on the table. feel free to take a shower.' or something like that. something that shows that he's a good guy, but a smart ass/snarky.  
The drinking thing becomes a normal thing. It's something that evolves into something where Danny comes to the bar for the last half hour and then Danny and the James go back to the Jamess house and drink themselves to sleep. It eventually becomes a sort of friendship built off anger, booze and something else that neither of them knows. It just is.  
At one point, when the James is more drunk than Danny, and Danny sees the scars on the Jamess arm(s). "where'd you get those?" "nowhere.". In their drunken stupors, they often reveal things and talk about things that otherwise they would have never spoken of (to each other). It's a friendship built on anger, booze and scars. It's a painful friendship.  
Overtime, they go beyond just drinking, especially when the Jamess' little brother graduates from high school, and the James has no idea what to do. But he got invited to the ceremony. So he goes to Danny for help, and because Danny works at a suit shop (needs to be fancy and has no fancy clothes since the move). The James goes to his little brothers graduation. While he's there though,(he has to drive a long way back) he gets into a fight with his dad(single father, mother died from cancer when the James was young- like 6th or 7th grade), and he leaves. The James loves his little brother more than anything, so he sees him before he leaves. They hug, and the James feels like he's going to cry or break into a thousand pieces, because his world is falling apart. The brothers cling to each other, holding on for an unspoken and unknown reason. Maybe it's because the James has been more of a father figure than their father. Because the little brother knows that his older brother has been putting money away for him to go to college, even though the James doesn't know that his little brother knows. The James kisses his little brothers forehead - like he did when they were small - and gives him his new phone number. They hug again, cling, grapple, hang, on each other for one last time - communicating all that they want to say, all that they need to say through a physical touch. Breaking off only when they know that they can't hold on anymore, they clasp each other on the shoulder 'keep in touch'. The James watches his little brother go off with his friends. Waiting until he leaves so that he (James) can leave.  
The James goes back directly after leaving his little brother. He needs a drink. And the only person he can think of that's not his little brother - is Danny.  
They drink when he gets back. Well first he goes to a party that's in honor of his little brother graduating high school, but Danny and the James go drinking with each other afterwards. The James confesses to the bank account for his brother, and for how important his brother is to him. Danny's astonished. Danny confesses to being an only child, but says that Danny thinks that the James is a good older brother. (this is when Danny starts to fall for the James? maybe??) They change topics after that.  
The next time they see each other is when Danny is raging-ly mad, and comes over with 3 bottles of liquor, sweaty and angry and just looks like Danny's had a fucking awful day. Danny gets shitfaced, hammered, black out fucking drunk - and rants about people and how much Danny hates his job and how everyone can go die because Danny detests humanity. The James is maybe buzzed, or at least closer to sober than drunk, and thinks that it's hilarious. This is when James begins to fall for Danny (maybe?).  
They begin to hangout more frequently after their episodes with each other. Not everyday, but more than they used to - they still drink together, at least twice a month. Danny still hasn't forgotten about the scars that Danny'd seen on the James's arm(s).  
\\\\\\\ the love bit \\\\\\\  
Eventually, they begin to realise that they've fallen for each other. Separately though - they start to hang out less, they only drink together. Confused and alarmed and in denial about everything.  
Danny is straight. The James is straight. They have to come to terms with themselves, they have to go through that pain and torment of realising that they are not who they thought they were. That they like a man. That they want to be more than friends, that they want to touch, they want to hold. That they want MORE. They have to come to terms with being gay for eachother and how they want to move on from the point that their at, and so many other things.  
They ask their friends, (their friends have kind of been guessing/expecting for a while that something like this was going to happen) about what they would do if they liked someone but didn't know if that person was straight, or how they would know if they weren't straight. They google, they internet their time away to try and find out what their hearts are doing. How they should win the battle between heart and brain.  
Danny makes the first move. It happens when their both shitface drunk, Danny leans across the little coffee table thing that's in between the chair and couch-thing. THeir sitting across from each other, Danny in the chair and the James on the couch - spots that they've claimed as their own since their first night drinking together. THe chair smells like Danny, has little stains that Danny's given it, little nicks in the fabric where his jacket zipper has gotten caught and ripped it slightly.  
Danny leans across the table, tilts the Jamess face up from where he (the James) was trying to unlace his shoes (he'd forgotten - again) and kisses him. The James kisses back. They pass out soon after, Danny waking to a note, 'Coffee in microwave' or something. Danny doesn't remember the kiss, but the James does, and feels vastly guilty about it. He feels heartbroken, empty, crushed, anguished. - assuming that Danny felt bad for the James and kissed him because Danny thought that the James looked lonely or looked like that short haired girl that Danny had been talking about earlier that Danny had gone out with a few months ago. The James blames himself - he Winchesters himself. He starts smoking again, or at least more than he had been. He torments himself to the point where his friends start to actually worry. Frankie (a co worker friend) takes him out drinking and gets the full story, or at least a brief summary of it. THe James confesses that he doesn't have a fucking clue what to do, he's never felt like this before in his life. It hurts, but he can't stop thinking about Danny. How he'd do anything for him, anything. How he doesn't know what to do anymore. Frankie doesn't know what to do, so she says the truth - 'You're in love. Real love.'  
something like that. 'I was afraid of that.' - James says something like that --that he's terrified of that, that he can't be because their both men, because it's wrong. Things like that. The James crashes at Frankie's house. 'Oh baby, you poor thing.' -Frankie smooths out the Jamess hair while he's passed out - while the James cries in his sleep  
Eternity goes by, and the James begins to get sick - he can't physically deal with his internal torment anymore. His appendix ruptured or something like that happens. Danny has stayed away, they've rarely seen each other - only at parties and then once they had seen each other, they both left, or at least one left. Once the James got out/gets out of hospital, Danny comes over immediately. Terrified, stressed, not doing well. 'I came by when you were in hospital - but i couldn't get in to see you - only family members or relatives.' Danny hugs the James tightly at at first, but then released slowly. "Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. I was so worried." 'why? (James)' "I don't know. I thought that you were seriously injured. That you were dead, or going to die." 'It's ok. I'm ok. (m.c.)' Danny kisses the James. Suddenly, passionately, a needy kiss. One that doesn't ask permission, only asks that you're going to be ok, that everything is going to be ok. That things will be figured out.  
'i'm sorry.'  
'what? why?'  
'i'm sorry. i'm so sorry.'  
'(name) what are you talking about?'  
'i'm so sorry. Fuck. i'm so fucking sorry.  
'(name what the fuck are you talking about.'  
'i think i love you.'  
Danny kisses m.c. again. 

Over time, they become more ok with things, with loving another man. They accept themselves and their friends are happy for them - it was getting to the point where they were almost getting frustrated with the two of them. They were in love, a tentative, cautious and painful love. Their lives had never been better.  
Then the Jamess ex-girlfriend (the one who ran away with his best friend) finds him. And their lives, the James, Danny, and all their friends, turn upside down as she wreaks havoc on everything. The James drinks so much at one point after a talking with her that he gets alcohol poisoning and is rushed to hospital. Danny leaves town for awhile, he doesn't tell anyone, he's just gone - for a week and a half. Frankie and the rest of the Jamess co-workers and friends can't get a hold of Danny, no one can. When Danny comes back, he’s haggard and dirty and tired - not doing well. The James is back in the ER, getting his stomach pumped again. Danny hears that the James is in hospital - again - and literally runs to the ER. He frantically searches for the James - claiming that he's his cousin, that he just got in town and heard that he was here and came straight away. Frankie won't let Danny in the room. The James is broken hearted, gaunt and pale, he's lost weight and looks like he's close to death. Danny is anguished. He thought that with his ex coming back in town that he (the James) would get back together, that they were over, that they had never been 'a thing'. Danny was heartbroken and terrified. He left because he couldn't be around them, he just couldn't. So Danny left. He never meant for anything like this to happen, Danny only wants/wanted him (the James) to be happy, to be ok, to be better. Danny thinks that the James deserves better is essentially what he says without saying. Danny was (and is) willing to sacrifice himself for the James and the Jamess happiness.  
Frankie tells Danny what really happened between the James and his ex. What happened when he was gone. And how Frankie got into a catfight with her to make her leave, how she called the police on her.  
Danny is shell shocked. He had never heard this story, the reasoning as to why the James had moved in the first place, the life that the James lived before moving. After Frankie tells Danny about the truth of what happened, she lets Danny into see the James (he's sleeping). Danny goes over to the bedside, grabs his hand and puts his face/head on the bead, he's exhausted, emotionally and physically. And as the world drifts in and out of focus as Danny loses consciousness - he whispers 'God I love you. Wake up. Please wake up.'  
They leave hospital a few days later. Broken, weak and tired. Struggling and fighting with consciousness all the way home - when they get to the Jamess apartment, they both collapse on the bed, drained from everything. They fought, argued cried and exhausted themselves emotionally about everything that had happened. Draining themselves of everything they had in order to explain, to attempt at keeping each other, trying to calm their anger, trying to not fall prey and be eaten alive by their depression/confusion/emotions. They literally exhausted themselves trying to keep each one in their lives. On the morning they wake up (afternoon really), they realise that it worked, that they can't live without each other. And that terrifies them. Even if neither will recognise it, or say it out loud - it is an unspoken knowledge between them. They need each other.  
At this point they move in together. It happens gradually, Danny comes over and stays at the Jamess house, gradually forgetting things and leaving things there, it's never officially announced - they never outright say that they are 'living together' that Danny has 'moved in', it just is. It happened slowly, gradually, naturally. Until they just do live together. Unsaid, unspoken, but is. 

//elsewhere in the plot/ storyline///  
Frankie and JJ end up getting together. 

 

//drinking//  
the burn ran down his throat and slithered through his veins, warming him to his core. It burned away the pain that emanated from every cell in his body. The dull ache of loss, the raging banging of his shattered heart with each beat, the little voice in his head poking and prodding all the buttons of his emotions - creating a molotov cocktail of depression. He drank, he warmed himself and he burned away the pain. Until, nothing hurt and the world became dark. 

//kiss//  
all the air was gone, the only thing left was the hot, whiskey flavoured lips on mine. Seemingly asking and apologising at the same time, 'I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm doing this. Forgive me. Do you want this as much as I do? Is this ok? Please, God, let this be ok.'  
I did the only thing I could, I kissed back. "Yes, please, this is ok, I'm sorry."


End file.
